I don't know if I'm cut out for the working world.
I loved the news station - until I realized, being who I honestly am (high-strung and anxious), I don’t think I could balance a family and a career in television. This realization changed my life and my direction. Part of that has to do with getting married 1/4 way through my internship.
Getting married changed me. Being married made me.
I wonder what motherhood will do... I’m scared to delve that far!
The longer I am out of school the less motivated I am to go back and attend grad school. I want a Master’s. I do. But I hate school. I hate homework. I hate memorization. I hate chemistry. How did my own mother do it? She had three children when she worked for her Master’s degree. Three. All snot-nosed, sniveling, needy girls. We loved her and cherished the time we got with her considering her handful of jobs and late nights and weekends at the hospital. I wish it didn’t take this long for me to truly appreciate her sacrifices and strength so many years ago.
Sometimes I feel like I have to go back to school to get a good job – one I enjoyed and felt fulfilled in – just to fight the stereotype.
Yes, here it is: the root of it.
I never wanted to be a stereotype. I never wanted to be a “housewife” whose job is to raise kids, vacuum daily and bathe wiggly babies day in and day out. I wanted to be a career woman. A woman with status and strength and influence. A woman who never spent the day in sweatpants and unpainted toenails. Throughout my life I’ve imagined myself as a lawyer, a doctor, a therapist, a social worker, an anchorwoman, a TV producer, anything. Anything but a mom whose job is being a mom – that’s it.
The years spent fighting the idea of devoting myself only to motherhood – not a career – haven’t done me any good. Especially now that I’ve grown up enough to see things so differently. What a waste of time misunderstanding is.
Though I can’t really say what has made me snap in the other direction, something did. There is no such thing as “just a mom” or a “housewife.” Not unless one categorizes herself that way. Mothers who choose to devote their lives to their children and husband are not women to be classified. Their job isn’t to clean the house, cook the meals and get the kids to school and back. Their job is to forego themselves and put the wants and needs of children above their own. It is a selfless thing, when done correctly. A calling. A duty. And I admire that.
I loved the news station - until I realized, being who I honestly am (high-strung and anxious), I don’t think I could balance a family and a career in television. This realization changed my life and my direction. Part of that has to do with getting married 1/4 way through my internship.
Getting married changed me. Being married made me.
I wonder what motherhood will do... I’m scared to delve that far!
The longer I am out of school the less motivated I am to go back and attend grad school. I want a Master’s. I do. But I hate school. I hate homework. I hate memorization. I hate chemistry. How did my own mother do it? She had three children when she worked for her Master’s degree. Three. All snot-nosed, sniveling, needy girls. We loved her and cherished the time we got with her considering her handful of jobs and late nights and weekends at the hospital. I wish it didn’t take this long for me to truly appreciate her sacrifices and strength so many years ago.
Sometimes I feel like I have to go back to school to get a good job – one I enjoyed and felt fulfilled in – just to fight the stereotype.
Yes, here it is: the root of it.
I never wanted to be a stereotype. I never wanted to be a “housewife” whose job is to raise kids, vacuum daily and bathe wiggly babies day in and day out. I wanted to be a career woman. A woman with status and strength and influence. A woman who never spent the day in sweatpants and unpainted toenails. Throughout my life I’ve imagined myself as a lawyer, a doctor, a therapist, a social worker, an anchorwoman, a TV producer, anything. Anything but a mom whose job is being a mom – that’s it.
The years spent fighting the idea of devoting myself only to motherhood – not a career – haven’t done me any good. Especially now that I’ve grown up enough to see things so differently. What a waste of time misunderstanding is.
Though I can’t really say what has made me snap in the other direction, something did. There is no such thing as “just a mom” or a “housewife.” Not unless one categorizes herself that way. Mothers who choose to devote their lives to their children and husband are not women to be classified. Their job isn’t to clean the house, cook the meals and get the kids to school and back. Their job is to forego themselves and put the wants and needs of children above their own. It is a selfless thing, when done correctly. A calling. A duty. And I admire that.
I’m almost scared to say it but perhaps this is my calling, too. The previous sentence is not a resignation or a submission. Considering full-time mothering does not mean I am not going back to school. I’ve got to stop telling myself that it does and just let the future come. Heavenly Father has promised me in multiple ways throughout my life that I must stop trying to control His plans for me. I can’t. I must simply follow the last bit of my family’s motto: Seek and Create Opportunity. It is opportunity that opens doors. Opportunity is a bit of Heavenly Father’s own hands pushing me along – or waving me in the right direction.
He’s been telling me to simply keep my options open and be brave.
This will require some gumption.
 |
| My grandmother and grandfather with their first baby. My dad was born while grandpa was away at war. That's a brave mother, right there. |
5 peeps who peeped:
welcome to my brain for the last year, ms. gonna-kick-the-world's-butt who then realizes it might happen in a totally different way than you'd planned your whole life. love it. aren't we going to be so awesome? ; )
I totally know how you feel! It has been a whirl-wind of a year to realize that I wasn't succumbing to the stereotype of "oh, I'm only a mom" by staying home with Roy. It is absolutely more than a full time job and the benefits cannot even compare. We absolutely can kick the world's butt one baby at a time:) Great post!
Jamie, have I ever told you that you're the most beautiful girl in the entire world to me? I think I may have. But it's something that should probably be restated at every opportunity.
In the eight years that I have known you there has never been a moment that you haven't somehow amazed me in one way or another. You're absolutely brilliant. Shehan is an incredibly lucky man to be your husband.
I don't know what the future holds for you. I don't know what the future holds for any of us. But I do know that whatever you do, you will do it beautifully and so well. You're capable of anything and everything. Whether you're a mother with a career or not, your devotion to your children and your husband will always be the part of you that shines the brightest.
I love you.
I would NOT be were I am at in my life and choice of career if I had continued to ignore that nagging little voice in my head that is was time to have a baby. Staying at home and becoming a Mother ALLOWED me to see my vision a reality. I am stilling learning to balance both worlds, but I am 120% sure its because of my choice to become a Mother that I was blessed with where I am at with my designing. If I had known that this would be the case, I would of done it a lot sooner! But I guess there were a few things I had to learn first sewing wise :D
You'll know when the time is right! And don't for one second let anyone make you think think you're too young, or its too soon or whatever. This post is so beautifully put! If only more people would recognize what it means to be a Mother!!
You have to read "I am a Mother" You can find it at Deseret Book...I think you'll really connect with this woman's story.
We're always fighting stereotypes, right? That's why I didn't want to go to BYU. Turns out I'm enjoying a few of the stereotypes now....
Whatever you do, I'm excited for you! And I'm excited to be close enough to visit every once 'n awhile.
Post a Comment