My beautiful grandmother Beverly Welch passed away Thursday evening. I have tried writing about it since then and wasn't able to. Probably raw emotions.
I don't think I can adequately express how important she is to me. How difficult it was to watch her body give out slowly over time and, finally, in the hospital once more last weekend. She left this world while in her own bed surrounded by her kids and husband. We saw it coming and the phone call was still awful. My grandmother had battled leukemia for about 30 years.
Death isn't a scary thing for me. I feel I understand it for the most part and I'm not afraid. With all this in mind I hate that I feel so frustrated about her not being here anymore. I keep wanted to tell myself she doesn't belong on the other side. She belongs here, with us. I spent the holiday on Monday with her. I sat on her bed and talked with her, completing some homework along the way. She would grab my worksheet to check my progress from time to time. Grandma didn't have a lot of strength for conversation but I believe her last spoken words to me besides "I love you" were in response to me expressing trepidation about finishing grad school and figuring out my final project. She said, "You'll do it. You'll do it because you can." I know she's right.
I miss her. Nobody in my family has slept well and we all still have pink rings around our eyes from tears. I'm not sure when this will pass but I know it will. Grandma wanted us all together - happy and enjoying family time.
She's an inspiration and I know, though my own children will never meet her on this earth, they will know of her legacy. She was strong, intelligent, humorous, generous and always optimistic. If I can be a little more like her I'll be a better person forever.
3 peeps who peeped:
I love you Jamie. I'm sorry for your loss. But that description of your grandmother? Sounds an awful lot like you. You're already incredible and she's so proud.
That last picture is awesome! It shows what funloving and lighthearted people your grandparents are. I loved your grandma; even though I didn't get to see her much during the past several years I have great memories of her as I was growing up. It's so great to know we'll see her again.
I'm so sorry Jamie!!! Grandmothers are a special part of life. I still miss mine everyday and she's been gone almost two years... Sending prayers and happy thoughts your way girl. By the way, you look like her in that picture when she was younger... :)
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